Early warning signs...
Before your partner even begins to treat you poorly, he may characteristically blame others for his actions, be resentful, belittling or even mildly aggressive to family members, acquaintances or old friends. (Ex: He may say something like- "you're so good to me, unlike my witch of a mother.")
Know what to look for-
- Jealousy or possessiveness – He may become jealous over your family, friends, co-workers and their time spent with you. Views his woman and children as his property instead of as unique individuals. Accuses you of cheating or flirting with other men without cause. Always asks where you’ve been and with whom in an accusatory manner.
- Control – He is overly demanding of your time and must be the center of your attention. He controls finances, the car, and the activities you partake in. Becomes angry if woman begins showing signs of independence or strength.
- Excuses - He always as a reason for his bad behavior and rarely, if ever, accepts responsibility for his actions. He may have even been abused himself and uses that as a reason he sometimes treats you badly. Early on, he may even believe he would not abuse or is not abusing you because he has been treated worse.
- Superiority – He is always right, has to win or be in charge. He always justifies his actions so he can be “right” by blaming you or others. A verbally abusive man will talk down to you or call you names in order to make himself feel better. The goal of an abusive man is to make you feel weak so they can feel powerful. Abusers are frequently insecure and this power makes them feel better about themselves.
- Manipulates – Tells you you’re crazy or stupid so the blame is turned on you. Tries to make you think that his negative behavior is your fault. He may even tell others you are cause of relationship trouble or you are unstable.
- Mood Swings – His mood switches from aggressive and abusive to apologetic and loving after the abuse has occurred.
- Actions don’t match words – He breaks promises, says he loves you and then verbally, emotionally or physically abuses you.
- Punishes you – An emotionally abusive man may blame you for his actions or play the “silent game” as punishment when he doesn’t get his way. He verbally abuses you by frequently criticizing you. He could also punish you by ignoring you, threatening to see other people or even cheating on you.
- Unwilling to seek help – An abusive man doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him so why should he seek help? He does not (or even cannot) acknowledge his faults. He may blame his actions on his childhood or outside circumstances and/or stress in his life.
- Disrespects women – Shows no respect towards his mother, your mother, his sisters or any women in his life.
- Has a history of abusing past partners, women and/or animals or was abused himself – Batterers repeat their patterns and seek out women who can be manipulated and controlled. Abusive behavior can be a generational dysfunction and abused men have a greater chance of becoming abusers. Men who abuse animals are much more likely to abuse women also.
If your partner exhibits any of the above behavior, we are here for you. Make a free confidential appointment or give us a call today.